I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
