what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
