On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
