her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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