Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
