Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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