Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
