Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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