Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
