6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
