im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
