Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
