I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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