Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
