I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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