can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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