I just cut my nipple shaving
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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