you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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