I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
