He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
