My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
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It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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