My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
