That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
