i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize