everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just gargled with NyQuil
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