you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
