He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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