You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
