im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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