I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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