its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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