Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
