He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
