dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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