Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
