Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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