8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize