I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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