If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
