Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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