remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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