on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The beer is more important than you right now.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
