I just made out with a guy for $7.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
