i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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