hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
