I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
