I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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