I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
