Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize