Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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