I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
