My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
