sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize