he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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