and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
