Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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