I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
