Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
