my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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