Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
