Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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