Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
