i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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