i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
